Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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