i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
