naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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