let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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