your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
