girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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