he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My ass is underappreciated
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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