You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
