Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
