1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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