No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
