Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
