hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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