Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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