ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
