if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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