Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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