Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
