But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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