what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
