I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i think i just lost a toe
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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