Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
