I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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