I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
