My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
