how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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