literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
40s are totally the cure
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
