I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
