A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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