dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize