We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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