I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
