Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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