she was so not down for the gang bang
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
