Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
