What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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