True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
