I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
