We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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