I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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