my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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