he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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