Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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