did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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