I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone came in the potted fern
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
