and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
