the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need a hoe opinion
go on
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
