i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
