Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
