yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
