When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
