Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
